Konichiwa Kibou Sensei
by Acelin Heart
Summary: Nadia Porter has the strangest life ever. This poor exchange student from America finds herself accidentally married to a man she's never met! A man whose students call him 'Despair-Sensei! Nadia's name meaning hope, or as the students like to call her, 'Kibou-Sensei', could she be the one to open Mr. Despair's heart? OCxNozomu
1. Introducing: KibouSensei!

Okay, this first chapter is pretty random, but then again, it is Sayanora Zetsubou-sensei!

Super short first chapter! uwaaah!

Disclaimer: I do not own Sayanora Zetsubou-sensei, including Nozomu or the butler (whose name escapes me)

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"Okay, how the hell did I end up here?" I grumbled, sitting up. "Umm… better question… where the hell am I?" It was some kind of underground tunnel. I stood, brushing off my pleated skirt. After a moment, I realized, "why am I talking to myself?" Then I shrugged my question off. I could hear footsteps coming around a corner.

"I don't care who it is, I'm not looking!" A man's voice said. Suddenly, the speaker bolted around the corner, running straight into me. We bumped foreheads, our eyes meeting.

"I now pronounce you man and wife!" A suddenly appearing guy with a black shroud covering his face announced.

"Nooo!" The man in front of me howled.

I blinked. "What. The. HELL?"

And that's how I met my idiot husband.

"I want a do over!" The man yelled once we got out of the tunnels.

"You know the Itoshiki family rituals, Master Nozomu." A butler was telling him.

"Umm… could someone explain to me what the hell is going on?" I exclaimed.

"Miss, you happened to stumble into the Itoshiki domain on the day of an arranged marriage ritual. It lasts for one entire day and if two people's eyes meet, they are considered married." The butler told us.

I blinked. "You're kidding, right?"

"No, Miss." The butler replied.

"I'm in despair! I'm in despair over my family's stupid traditions!" The man cried.

"Shut up, idiot! I'm trying to get us out of this stupid thing!" I growled, elbowing him in the side.

"Don't tell me to shut up, idiot!" He growled back.

And that was my wedding day. After much protesting and squabbling, we found that the arranged marriage was considered legal whether we agreed or not. So after that long day of fighting and confusion, we found ourselves on a train heading towards some school.

Finally, I actually got a chance to look at him. He had black hair and green-brown eyes under glasses. I didn't understand it, but he wore a kimono. I thought of my appearance. I was still in my grey and white school uniform, the kind with the grey pleated skirt, white dress shirt, and grey tie. Then there was my long wavy blond hair and my forest green eyes.

"Umm… we didn't get a chance to introduce ourselves with all that chaos." I mentioned. "I'm Nadia Porter, um, I mean Porter Nadia, or um… how do the names work in this country?"

"You're not from here?" He asked.

"No, I'm an American college transfer student." I replied. "I've been here for just about a week."

"I'm Nozomu Itoshiki." He told me. "I'm a teacher."

"And your family name is Itoshiki…?" I attempted.

"Right." He answered.

I sighed. "That now makes me Nadia Itoshiki, doesn't it?"

"So it would seem." He grumbled.


	2. Meet The Class, KibouSensei!

This fanfic is a fail. why do I keep writing it? xD3

Disclaimer: I do not own Sayanora Zetsubou Sensei including Chie-sensei, Nozomu, Kafuuka, Maria, Mero, Chiri, Harumi, Kaere, Abiru, Matoi, or Nami. Nadia Porter/Itoshiki (Kibou-Sensei) is an OC

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"Umm… Nozomu-kun, isn't today a school day?" I asked upon finding my new husband asleep in his room. By accidentally finding myself at his family's manor during an arrangement marriage ritual, we'd accidentally ended up married by making eye contact, so I ended up moving in with him.

"School and home visits from students took up six days of my break. Thus, I'm staying home for six days." He replied, without looking up.

"Umm… I don't think it works that way." I mumbled.

"What about you? Don't you have school today?" He remembered.

"Nope, my college is still on break for another week." I told him.

"I should teach there." He grumbled. There was a knock on the door. He sat up. "Whatever you do, don't answer it!"

"Nozomu-sensei, I know you're home!" A feminine voice called.

I left the room to answer the door. "No! Nadia don't answer it!" Nozomu warned from the other room. I ignored him opening the door. A woman with short black hair stood at the door, obviously taken aback by the door actually being answered.

"Uhh… this is the Itoshiki household, isn't it?" She asked, caught of guard by my presence.

"Oh, yes, sorry! You must be a teacher from the school! I'm Nadia, Nozomu's wife." I replied, shaking her hand.

"Nozomu-sensei is married?" The woman asked.

"Yeah, uh… long story, it was an arranged marriage, we got married legally by accident." I kind of explained, making the woman look at me funny.

"Well, I'm Chie Arai, the school counselor. I came to drag Nozomu-sensei to school." The woman told me, holding up a collar, chain, and handcuffs.

"Be my guest." I replied, moving aside so she could enter. "Nozomu-kun is in his room." I led her to the back room, opening his door.

He was in the process of climbing out his window. "You'll never take me alive!" He exclaimed. I facepalmed.

Five minutes later, Chie was pulling him out the door by a chain attached to a collar around his neck. She paused at the doorway. "Nadia-san, you're welcome to tag along and see where your husband works if you want." I shrugged.

"Why not?" I replied.

When we entered the classroom, a black-haired girl was at the front of the class. "It says he'll be coming on the sixth." She was saying just as Chie dragged Nozomu in.

"Well it doesn't work that way." She stated.

"Uh oh. He's being dragged in." The girl noted before the students' eyes fell on me. "Zetsubou-sensei, who's this?"

I blinked. _Zetsubou-sensei?_

Chie undid his handcuffs and collar before leaving. "Ah, class, this is Nadia, my new wife." He sighed, apparently as irritated by my new title as I was.

"New wife?" Most of the class exclaimed.

"Sensei, you got married?" One girl with a perfectly straight part down the middle of her hair exclaimed. "But what about this?" She held up a picture of her sleeping against Nozomu in what seemed to be the school infirmary.

"I don't recall that." He told her simply.

"So." The girl with short black hair who had stood at the front of the class began. She had a barrette in her hair. "How do you spell your name in kanji, Nadia-sensei?"

"K-kanji…?" I asked with a slight nervous chuckle. "Umm… I don't know kanji…"

"Then why did you transfer to a Japanese school?" Nozomu asked dubiously.

"I wanted to go to manga artist autograph signings…" I giggled sheepishly.

"So then what should we call you?" The girl asked. "If you write Nozomu-sensei's name horizontally it reads 'Zetsubou' or despair. So if we sound out your name and write it how it sounds in kanji-"

"Um! My name actually means 'hope'…" I interrupted.

"Then you're Kibou-sensei! Kibou in Japanese means hope!" The girl exclaimed. "Let's introduce you to us! I'm Kafuka Fuura, they call me the super-positive girl. This is Chiri Kitsu, she's the methodical and precise girl." Kafuka gestured to the girl with a straight part down the middle of her hair. "That's Mero Otonashi, the poison email girl. She can only talk through email." Kafuka pointed to a girl with pigtails and a cell phone in hand. "This is Abiru Kobushi. She has a tail fetish." A girl with many bandages and two braids. "That's Teru Maria Sekiutsu, she's a refugee." A dark-skinned girl with shaggy hair. "This is Kaere Kimura, she's bilingual." The only blond girl in the class. "Over there behind Zetsubou-sensei is Matoi Tsunetsuki, a super-love obsessed stalker girl. She's stalking Zetsubou-sensei at the moment." A girl with short black hair that ducked behind Nozomu the second I saw her. "That's Harumi Fujiyoshi, she's a doujinshi writer that's addicted to coupling." A girl with glasses. "And that's Nami Hitou, she's the only ordinary one."

"Don't call me ordinary!" The black haired, ordinary girl exclaimed.

Nozomu cleared his throat. "Now, if you don't mind, since I'm here by force we might as well start class."

"Sensei would you stop being so irresponsible! You're supposed to be our teacher!" The precise girl, Chiri if I recalled correctly, scolded.

"Ah! You criticized me just now, didn't you?" Nozomu exclaimed.

Kafuka tugged my sleeve and whispered, "you might want to sit down, he's about to start the lesson." I sat down in a desk next to her.

"I had a very good upbringing, so I'm not accustomed to being criticized! You've hurt me deeply!" Nozomu told her dramatically. "Maybe I'll kill myself."

"I'm not stopping you." Chiri said blankly.

He was silent for a moment, apparently not expecting her response. "W-Well… in order not to be such a weak-hearted adult…"

"He's starting to change." Chiri noted.

"Now's the time to execute… Criticism training!" He announced.

"And here we go again…" The tail fetish girl, Abiru I think, mumbled under her breath.

"He does this kind of thing a lot?" I asked.

"All the time." Abiru sighed.

"You mean 'escape training'?" Chiri asked.

"No, I mean criticism training." He replied evenly. "When people who aren't used to being criticized enter society and are suddenly forced to deal with criticism… the results can be very unfortunate. We live in a neurotic society, so even the slightest thing can result in criticism. Furthermore, thanks to the internet, if someone incurs the wrath of the masses, they can be anonymously be attacked online and through hostile emails! I'M IN DESPAIR! I'M IN DESPAIR WITH OUR CRITICAL SOCIETY!"

"Oh, I've heard that line before." I noted.

"It's his catchphrase." The girl with glasses, Fujiyoshi I recalled, told me.

"Ohhh." I acknowledged.

"We have to start getting used to being criticized … or else we'll be in a terrible mess." Nozomu was saying.

There was a clapping from the doorway. "What a fabulous new form of disaster preparedness! I'm most impressed!"

"Who are you?" Nozomu asked.

"I'm here from the fire department." The speaker, a man said, stepping into the classroom. "I'll be leading this class in criticism training."

"Is that so?" Nozomu replied. "Well, we're counting on you."

"Uh… this kind of thing happens a lot too?" I mumbled.

"All the time." Abiru and Fujiyoshi, whose first name I recalled to be Harumi, sighed in unison.

"I'll start right away." The fireman decided. He turned to a chubby girl amongst the rows of students. "Fat-ass!"

"That's mean! Why would you say such a thing?" The girl scoffed.

"You're in training!" The man sneered. "This is training to prepare you, just in case someone calls you that some day… fat-ass!"

"You said it again!" The chubby girl cried. "No one's ever called me that, since the day I was born!"

"What? Not even once?" Abiru asked.

"You've insulted a net idol! My fans won't forgive you!" The chubby girl cried, running out of the room.

"Huh?" Abiru mumbled.

As the fireman went on to criticize the rest of the class, with Nozomu's support, I just sighed. "I'm never going to survive this marriage." I grumbled, letting my forehead hit the desk,

"No, I'm pretty sure it's Zetsubou-Sensei who won't survive it." The ordinary girl, Nami, corrected.

"So you guys call him Zetsubou-Sensei because of the horizontal kanji in his name?" I asked.

"Well that and… how exactly do I break this to his newlywed wife?" Nami asked Abiru.

"He thinks his life is worthless and plans on how to kill himself." Abiru told me.

"WH-WHA?" I exclaimed.


	3. Fight the Upperclassmen, KibouSensei!

This chapter is mostly about Nadia and her friends.

Disclaimer: I do not own Sayanora Zetsubou Sensei including Nozomu, Chie, Harumi, Nami, Abiru, Meru, Maria, Chiri, Kafuka, or Kaere. Nadia, Robin, Lucy and others in their class are OCs.

*if you see a star, there will be a note explaining at the bottom

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"Ah! Nadia, there you are!" A cheerful female voice called to me as I walked to college. The brunette haired girl approached me, wearing the same grey and white uniform as I was.

"Hey Lucy!" I greeted her as she joined me to walk to school.

"Where have you been? You haven't talked to me since last Saturday!" Lucy accused, giving me a stubborn look with her blue eyes.

"Uhh… it's kinda a long story…" I mumbled. How on earth was I to tell her I accidentally married a guy and came to his work to sit in during his classes for a week?

"The walk to school is a long walk." Lucy stated. "Since when do you live around here anyway?"

I sighed. "Lucy, don't freak out." Knowing Lucy for as long as I did, considering we transferred to Japan together, I'd guessed there was a thirty-five percent chance of her freaking out and a sixty-five percent chance of her squealing. So I whispered everything that happened really fast…

"Kyaaaaaa!" Lucy squealed. "It sounds straight from a manga! So kawaii*!" I facepalmed. Make that eighty percent chance of squealing. "So tell me about my best friend's new hubby!"

"Umm… well his name is Nozomu Itoshiki. He's got kind of careless black hair and kinda green kinda brown eyes. He's a teacher and all his students call him Zetsubou-sensei…" I trailed off.

"Zetsubou?" Lucy repeated.

"It means despair in Japanese. Apparently his catchphrase is 'I'm in despair!' and he has a tendency to plan out his suicide. Plus, the kanji in his name spelled horizontally can also be read as 'zetsubou'." I informed her as we approached the school.

"So, is he cute? Is he smart? He is a teacher after all." Lucy went into an excited-Lucy-question-mode, as I sometimes called it.

"LuLu, take a deeeeeeep breath." I told her. She did. "Now let it out and be quiet." Again she obliged. We entered the classroom and looked around.

"Lucy! Nadia! Over here, I saved you both seats!" A spiked, red haired boy called from across the class. We joined him, sitting next to him.

"Hey Robin." Lucy and I greeted.

Robin sighed, watching our Japanese upperclassman strut through the halls like they owned them. "Just look at the stupid upperclassmen, treating us like idiots just cuz we're younger and foreigners." He grumbled.

"Who do they think they are, treating us like we're stupid?" Lucy grumbled.

That's when an idea popped into my head. "I know! Let's show them just how smart we underclassmen are! We're gonna show up the upperclassmen and make then look like the stupid ones!"

"Umm… Dee, that seems pretty hopeless…" Lucy mumbled.

"Oh don't go sounding like my Zetsubou-kun! It's absolutely hopeful!" I protested. "No more plushy seats for upperclassmen! No more upperclassmen getting cafeteria lunches for less! From now on, we're gonna get more respect than the upperclassmen!"

"That seems pretty unattainable, Dia..." Robin mumbled.

"It's completely attainable!" I corrected. "And here's how it's gonna work…"

When our teacher called me up for my speech in speech class, I was ready. I stood in front of the class and cleared my throat. I slapped my note cards down on the teacher's desk making everyone jump. "Unappreciated underclassmen, anyone with me?" Nobody said anything and I took a mental deep breath. _Okay, Nadia, you've been watching Nozomu do this all week. You can do this. _"Really nobody? So none of you have been pushed around by the upperclassmen that think they own the school! None of you have been picked on, used, bullied, or ignored because an upperclassmen was involved?"

"I have." A student said, suddenly raising her hand. She had black, shaggy punk-styled hair and magenta eyes. "The upperclassmen treat me like dirt."

"That's because we are dirt!" I exclaimed dramatically. "We are dirt to the upperclassmen! Everything in this world depends on class and we are the underclassmen of this school! We are the low of the low! But we… are what make the world go round. Who runs the banks? The workforce, the poorer people! Who works in factories to get us food and our everyday needs? The workforce! The lower class! Without the lower class the world would collapse! If we weren't hear, what would that make the upperclassmen?"

"The underclassmen." Another student answered.

"Exactly! Forget those people who are respected and pampered because they are the upperclassmen!" I ranted. "We should be the ones respected and pampered! We make the world go round! So when those upperclassmen look down on us, know that _we_ are what make them upperclassmen! Us being underclassmen _makes them _upperclassmen! Their status in this school is thanks to us! Without us here, they'd just be normal college students! They're not upperclassmen because they're smarter or better than us! They're upperclassmen because they were here first! We're underclassmen because they were here before us! We are just as good as them!"

"Oh I get it!" Lucy suddenly exclaimed, standing. "That's what makes us foreigners! We transfer students are foreigners in Japan because the Japanese were here before us!"

"Exactly! We came _after_ they did! That's what makes us foreigners, that's why you look down on us like we're underclassmen!" I exclaimed.

"Umm… but Porter-san…" A student said, raising their hand.

"Itoshiki, I got married over break." I corrected without hesitation.

"Itoshiki-san… what if there were no classes and everyone was equal?" The student asked.

"That's absolutely impossible! I come from America, the land of freedom! Even we have classes like this there! American Highschool: freshmen, sophomores, juniors, and seniors. Who are treated with the most respect? The seniors! But the only thing that makes them seniors are the juniors, and the only thing that makes the juniors juniors are the sophomores! There are classes everywhere! The level of the character in your video game depends on your class! Paying money to role-playing sites gets you a premium account with special advantages that free players don't get! Those are classes too! Our world is made up of classes! But even if you take away one class, the whole system crumbles! Without us, the other classes wouldn't exist!"

"Wow, Nadia, your speech was great!" Lucy exclaimed as we walked home from class.

"Thank you!" I smiled. "It's a thing I learned from my hubby." I grinned smugly.

"So when do I get to meet Mr. Despair?" Lucy prompted excitedly.

I checked my watch. "His class should be getting out soon, wanna meet him at the school?"

"Yes!" Lucy squealed.

We reached the school just as the bell rang and the students started to pour out of the building. I saw Chie at the school doors. She noticed me as I approached.

"Oh, Nadia-san! It's good to see you. You must be here to visit Nozomu-sensei." Chie smiled.

"Hi, Chie-san. Yup, I thought I should pay him a visit and see if he wants to walk home together. Bonding time." I answered.

Chie chuckled slightly. "He's in his classroom with some of his students. You know where it is."

"Thanks, Chie-sensei." I smiled, slipping into the building with Lucy. I led her to Nozomu's classroom, entering through the open door. "Hey Zetsubou-sensei, how was class?" I teased, flopping down in a desk next to Kafuka.

"I told you not to call me that." Nozomu grumbled, cleaning up the classroom.

"Ah! Kibou-Sensei! Your college is out already?" Kafuka asked, greeting me.

"Yes!" I replied cheerfully.

"So that must be your college uniform!" Harumi noticed, sitting at the desk next to me. "It's better than our uniforms at least."

"Oh, but your uniforms are cute, Harumi-chan!" I replied.

"Don't address my students so casually." Nozomu grumbled, though the rest of us just ignored him.

"How's that doujinshi** going? I read the one you lent me and it was great, I'll return it to you tomorrow." I told her.

"It's going pretty good. I'm excited about this next one, Kurofai's*** the best." She responded with a grin.

"I know! They're my favorite yaoi**** couple!" I squealed.

"Kurofai _is_ the best!" Lucy squealed next to me.

"Oh, right!" I remembered. "Guys, this is my friend Lucy, she came to meet Nozomu-kun. Lucy, these are Zetsubou-Sensei's students. Harumi Fujiyoshi, doujinshi writer, Kafuka Fuura, positive girl, Abiru, tail fetish girl, Nami, normal girl, Chiri Kitsu, precise girl, and Meru, poison email girl. Hey, where's Kaere and Maria?"

"They already left." Abiru informed me.

"So what's new with you, Kibou-Sensei?" Kafuka asked.

"I got an A on my speech at college today! It must be from listening to Zetsubou-Sensei's rants for a week!" Then on the end I added, "hey, Nozomu-kun, do they give letter grades in this country?"

"Nadia-san, stop being so familiar with my students!" Nozomu grumbled, returning to the front of the class. "I'm in despair!" He suddenly exclaimed dramatically. "I'm in despair with this world's familiarity!" I put one hand over his mouth to make him stop talking.

"Class is already over, no need for your negative lessons." I sighed, making Lucy giggle. I released him but he shut up, becoming suddenly quiet. "So what was his lesson today, girls?"

"Amakudari*****." Kafuka told me.

"I have no clue what that is, but my speech today was about upperclassmen." I replied.

* * *

*Kawaii- Japanese for Cute

** Doujinshi- Fan Manga

*** Kurofai- Owned by CLAMP, name of a yaoi couple Kurogane x Fai from the manga Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle

****yaoi- Boy x Boy/Gay

***** Amakudari- Someone with a high position that does little work but lives in luxury. When Nadia says that she doesn't know what Amakudari is but her speech was on upperclassmen, she's accidentally joking that upperclassmen are Amakudari.


End file.
